Top 5 Wimpiest Videogame Weapons

Given the FPS genre's freight train-like popularity, it's undeniable that the act of fragging bad guys with totem pole-sized guns isn't losing its appeal. While splashy kills in games like Bulletstorm, Rage, and Gears Of War 3 snag nonstop gaming-news coverage, it's easy enough to take for granted or even forget about gaming's wussiest weapons -- firearms that exist solely to make the simple task of murder nigh-on impossible.

In the spirit of the New Year, we put down our BFG 9000s and beat the war drum for weapons that will only get you laughed at in combat.

5. Bubble Gun, Earthworm Jim 2

Far more of a liability than an asset, Jim's soap bubble-dispensing gun is on par with Mario's poison mushroom in that it masquerades as a power-up, when in fact it should be avoided at all costs. It does no damage whatsoever to enemies, slows you down in that race against Psy-Crow, and even in real life the children's toy isn't much fun. It's obviously included as a joke.

4. Leaf Shield, Mega Man 2

They say the best offense is a good defense, but Wood Man's power is arguably neither of these. Then again, what would you really expect from a robot that's modeled after a tree trunk? Its usefulness is marginal at best depending on your play style, but again: it's a freaking shield made of leaves.

3. Solar Gun, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns Of The Patriots

Who knew going green was so popular? Old Snake hops on the eco-bandwagon in this excursion, obtaining this firearm after enduring for a given time with non-lethal tactics. It uses solar energy to incapacitate enemies, which is nice, though the firearm is somewhat useless since sunlight is awfully scarce for most of the game. Heck, children playing with a magnifying glass on a clear sunny day near an anthill are more dangerous than Snake toting this gun.

2. Wooden Sword, Ninja Gaiden

In this modern-era reboot to the unforgivably tough NES series, you'll face down dragons, ninjas, zombies, tentacled freaks, tanks, and helicopters; so why on earth would you ever take a wooden practice weapon with you? Its purpose is twofold: To allow for a greater challenge for masochists everywhere, and to provide an easy, albeit grinding way out for those who opt to upgrade it multiple times to unlock its ultimate form, the Unlabored Flawlessness. It does next to no damage in its original state, and your best attack plan against lightning-shooting worms and fire-breathing dragons is to hope the flimsy bludgeon gives them a splinter and eventually gets infected. Ryu would be better off just popping a cyanide capsule and embracing the inevitable.

1. Red Ryder BB Gun, Fallout series

Seriously, if you're playing Fallout with this BB gun (obviously inspired by A Christmas Story), you're doing it solely for the bragging rights. You simply won't get far shooting ball bearings at mutants, which you're far more likely to run into than ominous pigeons or menacing tin cans. The deck is stacked so impossibly against you with it: it does next to no damage, its ammo is scarce, and worst of all, you'll likely shoot an eye out.

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Back to the Future: The Game Review

Twenty-five years after the first Back to the Future film, developer Telltale Games has come out with what's probably the first decent video game based on the series.

Back to the Future: The Game will appeal to two types of players: Fans of Telltale, and fans of the '80s movie series featuring Doc, Marty McFly, and a time-traveling DeLorean. Judging by the first episode (there will be five total at a rate of one per month), the former group is almost certain to love this title; Telltale's work is always high-quality, after all. However, the average Back to the Future fan might find the point-and-click adventure gameplay to be dated and tedious.

For those of you who haven't played a point-and-click game since the days of King's Quest and Myst, things haven't changed all that much. In Back to the Future, you control McFly from a third-person perspective, picking up items and using them to solve puzzles as the plot unfolds. None of the puzzles here are difficult in the normal sense of the word, but they're often unintuitive, and not in a good way. Frequently, you'll find yourself roaming aimlessly or working your way through dialogue trees you've already finished, looking for something you might have missed. There's a decent hint system that can help you out when you get stuck, but that doesn't always stop frustration and boredom from setting in.

What has changed since the glory days of point-and-click, however, is the entrance of Telltale Games into the genre. Whereas earlier games focused almost exclusively on the gameplay (Myst was actually set on an unpopulated, deathly silent island), Telltale's work focuses on lighthearted, humorous storytelling, with frequent cutscenes, cartoonish graphics, and lots of great jokes. It was a great fit, for example, when Telltale chose to adapt the Strong Bad cartoon into a game, and they've also handled Wallace & Gromit, Monkey Island, and Sam & Max. If there's one thing that will make a casual gamer stick with this title, it's the opportunity to work through a brand-new story set in the world of the Flux Capacitor, devised with help from Back to the Future co-creator/co-writer Bob Gale and told by these masters of the adventure-game form.

Simply put, the game does a great job of recapturing the old Back to the Future magic. The voice acting is superb; we've never heard an imitation as spot-on as the one A.J. LosCascio provides for Michael J. Fox, and Christopher Lloyd reprises his role as Doc. The music brings back memories. And the story is worthy of the series' name.

As you begin, Marty is dreaming about the very early moments of the first Back to the Future movie; Doc loads his dog, Einstein, into the DeLorean for a test, and is overjoyed when he manages to send the pooch slightly into the future. Soon, though, Marty wakes up to find himself in 1986, living in the wake of the final movie. He's fine, but Doc is in some other time period, and Einstein is nowhere to be found. At first, Marty tries to help sell off Doc's old things, but eventually, the DeLorean appears with Einstein inside, with clues that lead to Doc's whereabouts. It turns out that Doc installed a feature in the DeLorean that transports it back to the present if he gets lost. Doc is imprisoned in the Prohibition era, and Marty has to find a way to bust him out.

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